Glossary

1

Over time the show has developed some very strange language, so we’ve thrown up a few terms to help you out…

 

BEST FROND [pronounced biast frond]
 noun ~ slang (Irish)


  1. a term coined by arguable performer and immigrant Brian McFadden in relation to his love for obese radio personality (again arguable) and former runaway (see Kanye West), Kyle Sandilands.

 

BIG BOY  noun

  1. A large, overly grown man who wears shorts of which a pocket will contain an unnecessary amount of loose change and hard cash as he barrels out of a petrol- guzzling sedan.
  2. A large man with the brain capacity of small boy, usually accompanied by a blonde bombshell.
  3. A man who’s size and behaviour, particularly regarding food, money and people’s 
personal space, requires an ironic label.
  4. Someone who devours chicken parmigianas (and often pronounces parmigianas 
phonetically; ie. Par-mee-gee-ahh-nahs)

 

BOMBSHELL  noun

  1. The most common mate of big boys. Often seen straddling the big boy while midway through his chicken parmigiana.
  2. Formally the term for sophisticated beauties, it is now owned by those women who are literally screaming to be looked at. The worse the two-tone dye job of blonde and black the better, as it turns heads toward their pouting lips, tanned necks and ill-advised clothing (be it in style or how appropriate it is for the situation). Usually on the arm of a very happy big boy, and the eternal untouchable fantasy of the joy boy.

 

BOOM BOOM POW!  Interjection

  1. The common mating call of a big boy
  2. A poker term for when an inebriated player goes all in with 2-3 off suit.

 

BROB  noun

  1. A moronic character played by one of Australia’s, nay the world’s great actors or ‘ham men’, Nicholas Maxwell.

 

BUMBLEBEE  noun

  1. childhood toy of an innocent lamb, shamefully lost by the lamb’s kindergarten, then overreacted to by the lamb’s father,
  2. and then later found.
  3. An obscure vocal warm up that Declan used while learning classical singing during high school

 

CHRISTMAS BONUS  noun

  1. Sum of money given to an employee, a returned soldier or idle podcaster etc, at Chrismas time; in addition to their regular pay (or no regular pay) from an eccentric and fabulously wealthy benefactor. (Note: this could be you #crazyrichboredguy)

 

ED KOWALCZYK  noun ~ slang

  1. a bald musician with anger management issues
  2. one could be called this when blaming a woman for his lack of grace.
  3. Low quality musician.

EG: “Adam Levine is a total Ed Kowalczyk.”

 

GRACE noun

  1. elegance or beauty of form that neither Ed Kowalczyk, nor any of his relationships, possess.

 

JOHNNY BOY  noun

  1. a boy whose attempts to assert his adolescent masculinity by eating as much as he possibly can from the now defunct Pizza Hut buffet restaurants, see him live on as nothing more than a sad reminder of how projectile vomiting and ‘doing runners from pizza hut’ can destroy a young life.

 

JOY BOY  noun

  1. A person who derives joy from believing they know the best ways to get a kick out of life, whilst being so lacking in self awareness they are therefore blind to the fact that their clothes, face, haircut, demeanour, speech patterns and thoughts of any kind make others physically sick.

 

KYLE SANDILANDS [pronounced ki-al saaan-di-looons]
  noun ~ (Irish)

  1. Australia’s foremost big boy/joy boy
  2. Brian McFadden’s Best Frond

 

LIONEL RICHIE  noun

  1. ceiling dancer.
  2. a man who’s head now resembles the mangled clay bust made by a blind woman in his 1980’s video clip.
  3. Father to Nicole Richie!!!!!! Say hi to Elle for us Nicole…and ask why on earth she thought it would be a good idea to open her mouth???

 

MERRY FUCKMAS  interjection

  1. greeting used at imaginary fuck festival.

EG: “From all of us here at The Sweetest Plum, Merry Fuckmas!

 

MUCKHOLE  noun

  1. The place a young man may be asked to insert his penis by a particularly aggressive young woman during a rigorous one-night stand.

EG: “Stick it up me muckhole!”

 

POOR BASILE  noun, interjection

  1. the name of a stupid man who, being perpetually stupid, is given sympathy which translates to him being considered at the wrong end of luck’s mercy and therefore, poor.
  2. A mother’s exclamation after she learns her son left a chocolate cake on the roof of his car before driving home.

 

SCHLUB  noun

  1. not to be confused with a scrub (a man who can’t get no love from me), a schlub is the combination of the words slob and chub to create a fat slob. It really should have two b’s at the end.
  2. the role Declan Fay was born to play.

 

SHAWRY  noun

  1. a man you should never put in charge of a building site.
  2. an emotionally unstable individual constantly on the verge of tears,  who cannot look at anyone in the eye, preferring to continually shift his gaze from one corner of the ceiling to the other as he pushes his reading glasses up his nose, which continue to slide down due to profuse sweating. To compensate however, he accuses whomever he is talking to; man, woman or child, of being a ‘faggot’. All which ends in a severe nervous breakdown.

 

(THE) SIZZLER  noun

  1. name of an almost defunct eating establishment, whereby all food is retrieved from under panes of plastic to prevent contact with human fluids. Great for the whole snotty family!

 

THE SWIZZLER  noun

  1. name for the famed character who at parties, freshens guest’s drinks by using his penis as a swizzle stick.

 

TINY COWBOY HAT  noun

  1. Form of American western headdress which is worn on the head of the penis, which matches a much larger version worn on the actual head; generally by a big knobhead TV commercial director who directed a movie once like 20 years ago and now acts like a real cunt.

 

TRASHCAN ACCIDENT  noun ~ slang

  1. unlike English cockney slang, Australian slag is far more literal even though it does has another meaning. A ‘trashcan accident’ is literally that, someone hurting themselves in an accident with some form of household trashcan. However, as slang it represents any type of pathetic domestic dispute with an inanimate object. Ie. “I had a bit of a trashcan accident with the dishwasher today…” “Yeah me too…with my wife.”
  2. A pithy phrase which sums up Nick’s life underlying life philosophy.

EG: “Life is no more than a trashcan accident”

 

WHORE’S BATH   Noun, verb

  1. the splashing of water (and in some cases soap) on one’s undercarriage, a washing technique often used by by actual whores. (And this author’s father.)
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One thought on “Glossary

  1. Ben¡ says:

    Fuck!! I think I might be a Joy Boy.

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